How others influence your ability to achieve your goals

Updated: Aug 16

You know how they say that you’re the average of the 5 people you hang out with? Well, that’s because you're more likely to pick up habits and do things that are considered the ‘norm’ within your group and the people you spend most time with. Think about this:

If your goals are active based

  • Is your group active?

  • Do they play sports? Are you in a sporting team?

  • What do your catch ups look like? Are you getting into nature, going for walks, playing tennis together?

If your goals career focused

  • Would your tribe go to networking events?

  • Would they typically stay back for social activities at work?

  • Do they put their hands up for special projects at work?

If your goals nutrition based

  • Does your group of friends eat a healthy diet?

  • Are they eating the rainbow throughout their day?

  • Do they eat more takeaway than you want to?

On reflection, do the prompts above, your goals and your tribe (family, friends, partner) align?

Learnings from Atomic Habits by James Clear teach us that humans would rather be accepted within their tribe and not completely themselves, than alone and be completely authentic. What we also know from Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework, is that there are two different types of accountability to setting habits; external expectations (such as peer influence, a boss or coach) as well as internal expectations (what you promise yourself), and that some people have a greater tendency to be influenced by others. Which accountability resonates with you most? Are your goals heavily or somewhat influenced by others?

The fact is, not all your friends or family are going to grow with you at the same rate and (spoiler alert!) your interests may change over time. This makes it hard when we’re the odd one out of the bunch and wanting to try something different without the support of a group. The good news is that you can leverage on knowing your accountability type to shape how your family, tribe and social networks (who hold your wanted habits), can support you in striving towards your goals.

3 steps to developing your action plan

Grab a pen and piece of paper and answer the following questions.

1. What are the healthy habits you want to create? Are they related to:

  • Career

  • Fitness

  • Nutrition

  • Being more self-disciplined

  • Activities already in your day that make you happy

2. Who is already doing this?

Think through your friendship group, family and co-workers to see who is already doing the habit or working towards a similar goal you want to implement. List these names down and what they're working on and forming the habits around.

3. Make the plan

What are you going to today or tomorrow to utilise your tribe to help you strive towards your goals?

  • Could you be spending more time with this person?

  • In what way are they living this goal that you can learn from?

  • Could you ask to do an activity with this person?

  • Ask what steps they took to get to where they are now?

  • Could they mentor you?

An example could be someone who is very productive and focused when it comes to work. What we could recommend is asking this person for a virtual catch up to chat about their career and how they got to where they are; mentioning that you're wanting to be proactive in progressing your career.

In this call you could ask:

  • How they start their morning?

  • What a typical day looks like?

  • Do they ever find themselves procrastinating? If not so much, what are their tips?

  • What are the steps they put in place to achieve their career success?

People love talking about themselves and if you genuinely admire this person's progression they will see this and be more willing to spend time with you! (if not already in your social group). As a follow up, find a way to bring value to them. This could be sharing an article, the latest information within the industry and then a follow up call to chat about it (i.e. try to find a reason to spend time with them).

If you're stuck thinking about how you would work through one of your health goals, show a friend or family member this article and workshop it together. If you'd like professional help reach out to us; we're wanting to provide as much value as possible and tailoring examples to be as relatable as possible to you. Contact us at